Whether you’re giving an impromptu sales pitch or trying to make friends, your ability to connect is something other people can sense. It’s what makes you memorable and magnetic. Employers and recruiters have known this for years—which is why they often prize soft skills like listening and communication over technical skills.
Entrepreneur Sami Rusani offers tips on how to become confident enough to talk with anyone, anywhere.
“I wasn’t always the best communicator. In fact, I had a bad time looking people in the eye and carrying on a conversation when I was younger,” Rusani writes. “It took years of practice to get to where I am today, but it began simply enough.”
The one trait that made all the difference? “I started showing people I was genuinely interested in what they had to say.”
Humans thrive off of personal connection and validation. It doesn’t matter if someone is a librarian, a rocket scientist, a sanitation worker, or an Uber driver. Everyone wants to be seen and heard.
Everyone has a story to tell, and if you can find how you connect with a story, you won’t have to force yourself to smile and nod. Instead, you’ll actually be present. The person on the other end of the conversation can tell when that’s the case.
Nothing is inherently interesting or boring. Your perspective is what determines that. If you want to have interesting conversations, you have to change your mindset. Here are three ways to make the process easier.
1. Don’t put up walls
Say you’re talking to an engineer about his job, and the first words out of your mouth are, “Oh man, I hate math.” Well, that conversation is over before it even started. You’ve put up a wall. And walls are the fastest way to block connections.
Staying open allows you to find value in someone else’s hobbies and skills. As long as you don’t put up any walls, there’s always an opportunity to steer the conversation into shared territory.
2. Meet people in the middle
You probably won’t have tons in common with most people you meet. That’s okay. It’s all about making things interesting for both parties.
Going back to the conversation with the engineer, for example. If he starts talking about the nitty-gritty details of a structure he’s building, you might get lost. But if you prod a little further to find common ground, you can pinpoint something that interests you both.
Maybe ask him how he uses math in his day-to-day work. He might say, “Oh, I just used it to solve a problem with a bridge I was working on.” Boom, now you know he works on bridges, something you find interesting. You can then ask: “Where was that last bridge?” “How long did it take?” And so forth.
By meeting somewhere in the middle, you can now have an engaging conversation.
3. See each conversation as an opportunity
You never know who you’re going to meet in life. Rusani says he’s met some of the most interesting people in everyday situations.
For instance, every time he gets into an Uber, Rusani always makes it a point to talk to the driver. He asks standard questions, like, “Where are you from?” and “How long have you been doing this?” But also shows them he’s interested in their experience: “Okay, give me the craziest story you have. I want the juicy stuff.”
You don’t have to go into conversations with an agenda. Just look for a human connection or try to make someone’s day a little better. The conversation can sometimes lead to friendship, a chance to network, or a business opportunity.
Like anything else, connecting with people takes practice. Don’t be discouraged if some conversations fall flat. Just get back up and try again. Eventually, having meaningful interactions will be as easy and natural as walking.
Adapted from an article by Sami Rusani in Minutes Magazine, September 22, 2019.