Supportive communication provides you with validation, empathy, and a sense of understanding—all of which are crucial to promoting mental health. In stressful environments or situations, poor communication can make matters worse, even creating additional conflict.

To overcome this, it’s important to understand what supportive communication looks like, the challenges of different communication styles, and effective practices for getting on the same page.

What supportive communication looks like

  • Active listening: This means listening fully and focusing on what the other person is saying with their words and nonverbal cues. Listen to understand, not to respond.
  • Validating experiences: You don’t have to completely understand or agree with someone’s viewpoint to validate their experience. Listen without judgment. Responses can be as simple as, “It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of tough stuff.”
  • Offering encouragement: Self-doubt can be really loud sometimes. Voice your belief in someone with statements like, “You’ve shown a lot of strength and resilience in situations like this before, and I believe in your ability to get through this.”
  • Respecting autonomy: Recognize the other person’s autonomy and offer support without solutions. Try statements like, “I trust your judgment, and I’m here to support you if you’d like help.”
  • Leading by example: It isn’t always easy, but when you commit to practicing supportive communication, you’re committing to leading by example. When others see and experience the benefits and support, they’re more likely to follow suit.

While these are all great practices, stressful situations can interfere with even the best intentions. Simply having different communication styles can create unnecessary conflict or come across as bullying, leading to increased stress and feelings of anxiety and depression.

How different communication styles can create conflict

  • Perception of intimidation: Assertive or direct communication can come across as intimidating to someone who is a more passive communicator.
  • Misunderstanding tone or body language: Some people have a general demeanor and expressions that comes across as serious, stern, or even hostile or confrontational, even if that’s not how they’re feeling.
  • Lack of social awareness: With so much going on in our own lives, it’s sometimes hard to practice social awareness and tune in to how others are feeling or how our communication styles affect others. As a result, we might unintentionally disregard others’ feelings, boundaries, or perspectives.
  • Power dynamics: If your supervisor has ever said to you, “Let’s talk in my office,” with no other context, this can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. The power dynamic tends to imply a negative or confrontational conversation. This can happen in more subtle ways too, so be mindful of the power dynamics between you and the person you’re communicating with.
  • Making assumptions: When we take communication at more than face value—or read more into what someone is saying than what they actually said—it can lead to miscommunication and sometimes feelings of intimidation or bullying.

Strategies for practicing supportive communication

Fortunately, there are things we can do to help each other create safe space for supportive communication.

  1. Have conversations about communication styles and preferences. Try these questions to generate an open dialogue:
    • What is your preferred communication style?
    • What does “actively engaged” look like to you?
    • My communication style is different. How can we meet each other halfway or compromise to feel like we’re both being heard?
  2. Wait to respond. If you get a message that has you feeling anxious or stressed, wait a few minutes or even overnight before responding. Give yourself a chance to regulate your emotions.
  3. Read messages with a “news reporter tone.” Sometimes we misinterpret messages if we’re feeling emotionally activated and apply an unintended tone to a message. To remove emotion from the message, read it out loud like a news reporter would.
  4. Get outside perspective. When you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or depressed, it can be helpful to connect with someone you trust and get their input on the situation. For honest feedback, don’t give your own interpretation of the message. Try: “Can you read this for me and tell me how you would interpret this?”
  5. Ask clarifying questions. This can be especially helpful in situations that seem passive aggressive. Try asking something like, “I get the impression you’re upset about something. Is there something we should talk more about?” Remember to use “I” statements so you’re not unintentionally assigning blame.
  6. Respect others’ communication preferences. If you prefer phone calls to talk through things but your coworker prefers messaging or email, send them a message asking if they have time for a phone call and explain what you want to talk about. This demonstrates respect while also advocating for your own communication preferences.
  7. Advocate for your communication needs. It’s not fair to assume that others should know your communication preferences. Give others the chance to respect your communication preferences by being open about them and brainstorm together how this can be accommodated in future settings.

Keep in mind that creating a safe space for everyone to communicate in a way that’s comfortable for them can take time, patience, and understanding. Give each other grace as you learn, and focus on how you can lead by example. Remember: You can’t control what other people do and say, you can only control your own words and actions.